Whoa - wait a sec Debbie Downer!

OMG! What's up with all the super serious stuff I've been posting??? I need to lighten up a bit - I know.

What's up with me lately? Well my friends are making fun of me and my recent fascination with Firecrotch-o-lites. I know, I deserve it. lol!

OMG! Guess what? I'm participating in this charity event. Good right? Wrong! It's a bowl-a-thon! I hate bowling! Not only do I hate bowling but I also suck at it. Oh well, my co-workers are already calling me the anchor of the team. They say I'm going to weigh them down. haha!

So... I got a mani & pedi at Toe Heaven today. **applause** My hands and toes weren't looking too funky but I just needed it to feel good. My girls weren't there so I had substitutes helping me. The mani/pedi wasn't bad but boy did it remind me why I am loyal to Mandy & Linda. They rock!

My younger sis ran into and old neighbor of ours. We hadn't seen him in... hmmm... I'm 31 right now... I last saw him when I was... 12 or 13? So we hadn't seen him in almost 20 years! Wow! Turns out he's a paparazzo for TMZ. Crazy... lol!

Well I got's to go now. I'm tired and should go to sleep.

Goodnight!

Death

How scary is death? How scary death is. Death is scary. I’m not making sense, I know.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m scared out of my wits of death. As I’ve gotten older the lines of communication between God and me have opened up quite a lot. Even though I’m more spiritual and closer to God I’m still scared to death of death. I don’t want to leave my life nor do I want to loose any loved ones.

My aunt passed away last week. My Tia Lupe was one of my mom’s older sisters. I’m not sure how old she was but I think she was in her 80’s. I love all of my aunts and this one in particular was one of the sweetest ones. She was a strong Mexican woman who was a loyal wife, mother of nine, and sister of many more. She was lovable yet strong minded. She was soft spoken yet her voice was always heard and respected. My Tia Lupe was a dark brown, sun-kissed complexion woman, who was about 5 feet tall and so soft when you hugged her.

I hadn’t seen her in many years. The last time I saw her she was as healthy as always. My mom saw her sister a couple of years ago after she had a stroke. She recovered from the stroke but could not escape old age and the memory loss that came with it. The weekend before she passed away we decided at the last minute to go visit her. We had no idea how delicate her health was. We just wanted to see her. We drove all the way to Perris late Saturday evening. I expected to find the same Tia that I remembered and grew up loving. As we walked into her bedroom I saw a small pale woman who looked as if she weighed 50 pounds. I couldn’t believe my eyes and had to bite my tongue so I wouldn’t cry. We spent several hours with my tia. I believe she recognized my mom somewhere deep in her state of mind because she wanted to be wherever we were. She didn’t talk to us or give us any other signs of recognition. At the end of our visit my sis gave her a kiss goodbye and so did I.

Four days later I get a call from my mom crying because my tia, her sister, had just passed away. My sis later told me that when she kissed our tia she knew that that was the last time she would see her. I don’t know why I didn’t feel the same way. Our cousins, her children, told us that she was healthy and the doctor could not find anything wrong with her. So I guess I hoped for a miracle and that she would get better. I went to church the day she passed away and thanked God for allowing us to see her before she died. Allowing my mom to see her sister four days before she passed away was a great gift.

Since my aunts death my mom hasn’t been able to sleep. She’s been having a lot of nightmares. My mom tells me that she’s not afraid of dreaming about my aunt or anything of that sort. They’re just random & vivid dreams. I think my mom is also afraid of death. I love my mom to death and the thought of being in her shoes just breaks my heart.

Death. How scary death is. Death is scary.

The Blessing of Forgiveness

No matter how forgiving you think you are, there is always something you hold on to and decide to keep a grudge. Nevermind how minor the offense was or how you, yourself, and you have done stuff to other people equally as bad or worse. So why wouldn't you just forgive and be happy? Why is it okay for you to wrong other people but not okay for them to wrong you? When is it fair or not fair? Who knows really? I don't but last night I read something during my nightly meditation and I realized how unfairly I judge people yet I do not judge myself. How unforgiving I can be for such minor things but forgiving of major things done to me or that I have done to other people. The world will never be perfectly balanced nor will I ever be or act perfect. All I can pray for is that I catch and correct my own mistakes before it's too late. Reading this small prayer book I bought at the L.A. Cathedral called "Blessings" seems to be a step in the right direction. Here's a little of what I read last night.

What if there was no such thing as forgiveness? What if, when you hurt someone, made a bad choice or disobeyed, that was just it and there was no chance to make it right? What if a relationship was destroyed by your actions and nothing could fix it?

That would make life pretty sad and hopeless, wouldn't it? Carry that thought past the human realm - what if there was no forgiveness from God? There would be no hope of a relationship with Him.

You need not worry about any of this thanks to the blessing of forgiveness. God's forgiveness is our model because it is complete. When we confess and repent of our sins, He forgives us. He will never throw those sins back us. He forgives and forgets.

That's the model for our relationships. Forgive and forget. It's a blessing to be forgiven and have a relationship restored. It's also a blessing to be the one who does the forgiving. Be as willing to be the forgiver as the one forgiven.

It's My Birthday!!!

It’s my birthday and I’ll laugh if I want to, laugh if I want to! You would laugh too if happened to youuuuu!!! J

Hello there empty space! Today I turn 31. Wow… I never could picture myself turning 31, not that I pictured myself dying early, but I always tried to push the thought of my thirties out of my head. Now I’m here and I’m happy happy happy! Why?

2008 was a very rough year for me. I had a lot of downs but while in those low moments I always had my family and friends reach down and help me get back up. As stubborn as I was in sometimes refusing help, they insisted and were always there. In my planning of my informal birthday celebration at my fave bar these last few weeks I have also realized how lucky I am. A couple of months ago I did not want to celebrate my birthday this year. I wanted it to go by unnoticed by everyone. I guess it was me hating the idea of getting deeper into the Thirty-something pool. Then I realized that what I love about my birthday every year is that I get to spend time with my closest friends and also friends I usually don’t see or keep in touch with on a regular basis. That’s when I decided that I would spend my birthday at my favorite bar and whoever wanted to join me was welcome. So here I am today – Dec. 26^th and so far I have about 25 RSVP’s. I have also received tons of wonderful phone calls and text messages. My two awesome friends Yaz and Weenie are making sure I’m properly fed. Yaz is coming to downtown (cuz I’m working today) and taking me out to lunch. Weenie is taking me out to breakfast tomorrow. Yummmm!!!

Thank you to the Friendship Gods and Family Gods for blessing me with such wonderful people in my life. How can you not believe in God when you are surrounded by the best family and the best friends a person could ask for? Yup, not possible.

Today I am bursting with love for my family, friends, and God.

Tis the Season to Give Give Give

I know that the typical thing to do this season is donate time, food, clothes, and whatever else. In years past when I had more money in my pockets I wouldn't donate. Don't get me wrong, I have volunteered at events and donate every year to the United Way.

Times are tough right now. Historically tough. Hearing about all the job losses has really broken my heart. What would I do and where would I be if I lost my job tomorrow??? Anyhow, just like everyone else I've cut back on many expenses. But for some reason I'm more compelled to donate whatever I can.

This is a Test... Of the Emerge- uhhhh

Hi Empty Space! No need to worry, freak out or whatever. No emergency... yet. Haha! Just testing this groovey thingy where I email blogger through my phone & it immediately posts my emails. Technology is awesome!!!

I'm an addict!!!

Jeez! I've discovered that I have a slightly addictive personality. ONLY slightly!

So a few months ago I stepped into the black hole of YouTube. I was only suppose to watch a couple of episodes on my fave novela that I missed. Next thing I know I'm staying up to 2 or 3 in the morning for a couple of weeks straight watching novelas on YouTube. Those were my most unproductive weeks at work ever. Weekends came around and I didn't leave my house or my computer. Fortunately I ran out of things to watch back then and was able to pull myself away from my YouTube "crack" addiction.

... Now I have a new addiction... Yup, I can't get enough of the Sex in the City DVD's. Last night I stayed up 'til 2 am and woke up and 6 am the same morning for work. I'm so tired right now and should have been in bed a long time ago but I had to finish watching all the episodes on one of the DVD's. It's a great show and I'm about 1/3 of the way done with season 3. Carrie just started dating cutie Aiden!!!

I'm done with my TV watching but I needed to update everyone in Empty Space Land on my week so far. Especially the Weenie-meister. ;-) haha!

OMG! BTW, tomorrow is my company's holiday shin-dig. Looking forward to it but a I'm freaked because I have nothing cute to wear. :-( Sucks I didn't get to go shopping for the occasion.

Sorry for such a lame blog post today. My brain is functioning at 40% right now. Lack of sleep sucks for your concentration, metabolism, and beauty.

Adios mi amigos!