He is on his deathbed in Mexico and I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm not devastated nor do I feel the need to fly to his side. I feel sad that the man who I'm genetically half of is going to die soon. I'm sad he wasn't a better father and I'm sad I can't feel love for him or anything more. I'm sad he didn't try to mend our relationship sooner.
Maybe I'm in shock right now? Maybe once I hear he's passed I will feel sorrow? I don't know...
Xoxo…
Update:
It turns out my father passed the next day but we didn't find out until the day following his death. I was very sad and shed some tears. I mourned the father I never had and the one I never will have. I always held hope that he would try to mend our relationship but that hope is forever gone. May God Bless his soul and as my older sister said, "Maybe he'll be a better father to us from Heaven." Amen to that sister... xoxo
