Whoa - wait a sec Debbie Downer!

OMG! What's up with all the super serious stuff I've been posting??? I need to lighten up a bit - I know.

What's up with me lately? Well my friends are making fun of me and my recent fascination with Firecrotch-o-lites. I know, I deserve it. lol!

OMG! Guess what? I'm participating in this charity event. Good right? Wrong! It's a bowl-a-thon! I hate bowling! Not only do I hate bowling but I also suck at it. Oh well, my co-workers are already calling me the anchor of the team. They say I'm going to weigh them down. haha!

So... I got a mani & pedi at Toe Heaven today. **applause** My hands and toes weren't looking too funky but I just needed it to feel good. My girls weren't there so I had substitutes helping me. The mani/pedi wasn't bad but boy did it remind me why I am loyal to Mandy & Linda. They rock!

My younger sis ran into and old neighbor of ours. We hadn't seen him in... hmmm... I'm 31 right now... I last saw him when I was... 12 or 13? So we hadn't seen him in almost 20 years! Wow! Turns out he's a paparazzo for TMZ. Crazy... lol!

Well I got's to go now. I'm tired and should go to sleep.

Goodnight!

Death

How scary is death? How scary death is. Death is scary. I’m not making sense, I know.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m scared out of my wits of death. As I’ve gotten older the lines of communication between God and me have opened up quite a lot. Even though I’m more spiritual and closer to God I’m still scared to death of death. I don’t want to leave my life nor do I want to loose any loved ones.

My aunt passed away last week. My Tia Lupe was one of my mom’s older sisters. I’m not sure how old she was but I think she was in her 80’s. I love all of my aunts and this one in particular was one of the sweetest ones. She was a strong Mexican woman who was a loyal wife, mother of nine, and sister of many more. She was lovable yet strong minded. She was soft spoken yet her voice was always heard and respected. My Tia Lupe was a dark brown, sun-kissed complexion woman, who was about 5 feet tall and so soft when you hugged her.

I hadn’t seen her in many years. The last time I saw her she was as healthy as always. My mom saw her sister a couple of years ago after she had a stroke. She recovered from the stroke but could not escape old age and the memory loss that came with it. The weekend before she passed away we decided at the last minute to go visit her. We had no idea how delicate her health was. We just wanted to see her. We drove all the way to Perris late Saturday evening. I expected to find the same Tia that I remembered and grew up loving. As we walked into her bedroom I saw a small pale woman who looked as if she weighed 50 pounds. I couldn’t believe my eyes and had to bite my tongue so I wouldn’t cry. We spent several hours with my tia. I believe she recognized my mom somewhere deep in her state of mind because she wanted to be wherever we were. She didn’t talk to us or give us any other signs of recognition. At the end of our visit my sis gave her a kiss goodbye and so did I.

Four days later I get a call from my mom crying because my tia, her sister, had just passed away. My sis later told me that when she kissed our tia she knew that that was the last time she would see her. I don’t know why I didn’t feel the same way. Our cousins, her children, told us that she was healthy and the doctor could not find anything wrong with her. So I guess I hoped for a miracle and that she would get better. I went to church the day she passed away and thanked God for allowing us to see her before she died. Allowing my mom to see her sister four days before she passed away was a great gift.

Since my aunts death my mom hasn’t been able to sleep. She’s been having a lot of nightmares. My mom tells me that she’s not afraid of dreaming about my aunt or anything of that sort. They’re just random & vivid dreams. I think my mom is also afraid of death. I love my mom to death and the thought of being in her shoes just breaks my heart.

Death. How scary death is. Death is scary.

The Blessing of Forgiveness

No matter how forgiving you think you are, there is always something you hold on to and decide to keep a grudge. Nevermind how minor the offense was or how you, yourself, and you have done stuff to other people equally as bad or worse. So why wouldn't you just forgive and be happy? Why is it okay for you to wrong other people but not okay for them to wrong you? When is it fair or not fair? Who knows really? I don't but last night I read something during my nightly meditation and I realized how unfairly I judge people yet I do not judge myself. How unforgiving I can be for such minor things but forgiving of major things done to me or that I have done to other people. The world will never be perfectly balanced nor will I ever be or act perfect. All I can pray for is that I catch and correct my own mistakes before it's too late. Reading this small prayer book I bought at the L.A. Cathedral called "Blessings" seems to be a step in the right direction. Here's a little of what I read last night.

What if there was no such thing as forgiveness? What if, when you hurt someone, made a bad choice or disobeyed, that was just it and there was no chance to make it right? What if a relationship was destroyed by your actions and nothing could fix it?

That would make life pretty sad and hopeless, wouldn't it? Carry that thought past the human realm - what if there was no forgiveness from God? There would be no hope of a relationship with Him.

You need not worry about any of this thanks to the blessing of forgiveness. God's forgiveness is our model because it is complete. When we confess and repent of our sins, He forgives us. He will never throw those sins back us. He forgives and forgets.

That's the model for our relationships. Forgive and forget. It's a blessing to be forgiven and have a relationship restored. It's also a blessing to be the one who does the forgiving. Be as willing to be the forgiver as the one forgiven.